


The Fallen King

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: AU, Adorable, Angst, Cute, Death, Fluff, Iwaizumi - Freeform, Kageyama - Freeform, Karasuno, M/M, Oikawa - Freeform, Seijou, Sickness, Tobio - Freeform, Tooru - Freeform, Volleyball, haikyuu!! - Freeform, hajime - Freeform, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Fate works in funny ways, but it’ll never work along side what you want. It didn’t for Iwaizumi, and it definitely didn’t for Oikawa.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	The Fallen King

**Author's Note:**

> This story covers heavy topic such as death, be mindful whilst reading.

Have you ever seen the downfall of a king? A king so mighty and powerful that a downfall doesn’t even seem _possible_ , but fate has and will never work that way. Fate will never work along side your hopes and wishes, why should it care about the way you feel? Fate didn’t give the slightest shit about how Iwaizumi felt. The downfall of the king, happened to be his best friend. Tōru Oikawa. We all know who he is, he’s the dangerous setter of Aoba Johsai. The kid even _Tobio Kageyama_ fears in game, but fear slowly became respect. To play matches of volleyball, knowing about the cells in your body that are slowly killing you. To play matches of volleyball with the knowledge that one ounce of exhaustion could push you back days, or weeks. The team didn’t know, he simply never told them until he had no choice. It gets to a point where you can’t explain how pale you are. _“I was skipping a few meals, i’m fine! Really, I am!”_ It gets to a point where you can’t explain the difference in your strength. _“I haven’t trained as much... my bad! I’ll do better!”_ Then, when it gets to the point where you collapse, all your excuses go down the drain when they get told you have to stay in for two weeks. _“I-I’m not well... cancer.”_ To Iwaizumi, those words flew around his brain for weeks on end. Oikawa wasn’t just sick, he wasn’t skipping meals nor did he cut out on training, he was dying. It’s funny really, you can’t necessarily sugar coat the idea of death, no matter how you word it, or how you feel about it, at the end of the day you or that person are still going to die. Suddenly there was no more time to go out together, to grab a coffee or play a quick one on one. All the chances, were simply gone. After that, the nighttime became less of a bore and a pain to go through, it became home. The nighttime was the worst time of day for Iwaizumi, he never understood why people loved it so much. Not until Oikawa explained it to him, that pretentious bastard has a soft side to him that people rarely get to see. After all, if you’re dying, what’s the point of putting up a wall anymore? “You see, Iwa-Chan... the nighttime is beautiful, it’s dark and calm, the wind isn’t too warm or too cold. Sometimes your nose gets this- this little red tint to it because the night was colder than some. I love the nighttime.” Then after that, his favourite time of day suddenly became the nighttime. He never saw the colours before, the nighttime was always so dark and gloomy. Now all he can see is the neon lights, shining stars and car lights. It wasn’t the same as before. The nighttime suddenly was seen as a favourable moment, the time when it was so calm even Oikawa was truly at peace regardless of the situation. Iwaizumi glances at Oikawa, who happened to be lay in the hospital bed with a sullen frown plastered onto his pale face. You could see the difference in him before, the happiness and the spark that was once there was fighting to stay alive. 

“It’s dark out, do you think the staff would tell me to leave?” Iwaizumi spoke up, Oikawa didn’t move his gaze. Instead, the captain lay there and watched the clouds go by in the sky. They were lit with the moonlight, it looked beautiful. The hospital room was silent besides from the sounds of whirring machines and a heart monitor, every beep that went off formed a feeling of dread words cannot simply describe. It was dark feeling, almost like a dreamless night. There were no happy photos, no happy voices or happy memories to be made, it was all dark and cold. The gymnasium was warmer midwinter than the feeling rushing through Iwaizumi’s body. To watch the the downfall of a king while not being able to pick him up and put him back on the throne was terrifying, to lose that spot in royalty because of an illness that just picks and chooses its victims. Nothing seemed fair anymore. Especially not this, life with Oikawa was supposed to be bright and full of chuckles. Iwaizumi had none of that. All he had was a front row seat of the kings death, chained to the chair as Oikawa cries out in pain and agony, wishing for someone to put him down like a sick dog simply because the release would’ve been nicer. It would make sense though, to wish to die in a quicker way rather than have your friends and teammates watch it happen slowly. To breath in and feel the pain rush through your back, but having to pretend it doesn’t hurt that much because that’s the way you were raised. The chains got tighter everyday for Iwaizumi, there wasn’t ever a day they got loosened. It was all one big show, a show of torture and pain for both the main character and the poor bastard watching. “Oik-“

“Let them try...” His voice sounded tired, rundown almost. From the boy on the court yelling his heart out, to the boy lay in the hospital bed with wrists as small as children’s toys and veins as prominent as a neon headboard at midnight. It was a jump. A heartbreaking jump. At first it was the denial that Oikawa wasn’t sick, that it was all a lie. A ruse made up to get out of shitty competitions with shitty opponents. Iwaizumi blinded himself in hopes that the fear of his best friend dying, didn’t exist anymore. “I’ll get up and fight them all, you believe in me, don’t you cutie?” Oikawa finally turned to face Iwaizumi and smiled as much as he could. His face said smile, but it never reached his eyes. When Oikawa smiled, it was the most beautiful thing to ever exist. His eyes would sparkle with hope, he would tilt his head to the side like a lost puppy in the rain. Oikawa’s smiles were warm and bright, they’d feel like home after a long, hard day at school. He used to smile effortlessly, but now you could see the strain in his face when it happened. A smile that was once warm and happy, was now lukewarm and empty. There was nothing that anyone could do though, cures for cancer don’t just appear overnight and even if they did, Iwaizumi doubted Oikawa would even want it. It wasn’t how he worked, _‘If something happens then I guess it was supposed to be like that’,_ that’s the stuff he’d used to say. _Everything happens for a reason, huh?_ Iwaizumi thought that was bullshit. There shouldn’t have to be a reason for his closest friend to be dying slowly and painfully, there should _not_ have to be a reason for Tōru Oikawa to die without being able to do the stuff he’s wanted to do a ever since he was a child. To need a reason for that, was wrong. This wasn’t the type of situation where you list your reasonings for disliking carrots or the ocean. This was the situation that had no happy ending, no matter how much you wish for one. Life was ever so bleak. Iwaizumi pretended not to notice the faltering smile and stuck up his middle finger instead. 

“Call me cutie again and I’ll throw you out that window.” The tough mannerisms never really seemed to work, no matter how violent his threats got. Oikawa seemed to love them, it gave him the feeling of the old time warmth he yearns to have again. The time when Aoba Johsai was a powerhouse school, with a captain that caused trembles of fear rather than excitement. To have all that again, the two males secretly hoped that it’d be possible to go back and change the path that fate had already carved out for him. Why people believe in fate, was confusing. An unknowing force decided the way that you’ll live or die just doesn’t sit comfortably at all. Never has, never will. Although Oikawa doesn’t show it, his pride would be damaged if he did so the bastard wouldn’t even dare rate his pain the correct way even if he forced himself to, he was in a lot of pain. Instead of a five it’d be a three point five, instead of an eight he’d end up pushing it down to six. Iwaizumi never knew the reason behind his lies, he didn’t know if it was because he was tired of having everyone fuss over him or simply because he wanted to create a world where he wasn’t as unhealthy. Where he wasn’t dying. A spine tumour that’s growing quicker than he can count, eating away at his psyche in hopes to kidnap and replace the boy everyone either loved or hated. Iwaizumi sighed as quietly as he could, it wasn’t fair. They were bit barely a year into college, and only one of them would sought to see the end. When the two of them were kids, playing around with a volleyball or catching butterflies, they made a promise to each other. The promise that no matter what happened, none of them would go through it alone. If it weren’t for that promise, Iwaizumi would’ve stopped visiting a long time ago. It was never on his plan to sit around and watch his friend die, there was no need for that to be a plan until it was already happening. “What? You think I’m joking? Dumbass, I’ll be the one that kills you. You can sit there and laugh but I swear to you, you big and pretentious little bastard, I’ll be the last thing you ever see.” 

Oikawa chuckled, and winced slightly. Iwaizumi pretended not to notice, once again. “Who said I wasn’t into that, Iwa-Chan?” Iwaizumi blushed at the thought, and Oikawa smiled at the sight. “Your face is... _pleasant_ but why would I want that to be what sends me off to hell? Get a life, my friend. Unless you’re choking the shit out of me, I refuse. And anyways, you’re coming here at night a lot more than you did... it’s nice.” Iwaizumi tensed up slightly, it was Oikawa’s favourite time of day. He’s always been like that, ever since he was a kid. There was something captivating about the nighttime for Oikawa. So, naturally, Iwaizumi figured that if the two were to make anymore memories, it would be at the time Oikawa felt most at peace. Where he felt that nothing was wrong, that there was no pain or tumour, or countdown above his head. Just the stars and clouds. 

“Is that so?” Iwaizumi chuckled to himself. “I never saw what was so important about the nighttime before, you know. To me it was always just the darkness at the end of a bright day but as much as it physically pains me to admit this,” Oikawa never once removed his gaze from Iwaizumi. This was his chance to listen, no matter how much it hurt. “You- you flatass, tasteless little mother fucker... you changed my mind. It wasn’t just darkness anymore, you opened my eyes and I saw the colours, I felt the calm. I understood.” If the lighting had been off, anyone would mistake Oikawa’s tears as the light from outside the window. “I- I didn’t... ah, shit.”

“I did that? I _actually_ did that?” Oikawa was sugar. Addictive and dangerous. The way his jokes would tie you in at the seams, refusing to let go until you’ve been played as a puppet at least once. The way his serves could break your arm and dislocate your shoulder all at once. The way his smile brightened up a room, or the way his eyes shone when Iwaizumi showed up with his favourite snack. All of it, it was captivating and as the days go on, the mere chance of escape seems impossible. “Who would’ve thought someone as cold hearted as you would finally appreciate nightlife? Like- _i’m sorry_ , did you forget who you’re talking to? I’m literally _the great king_ , idiot, you should always trust my judgement.” And his retorts, they were just as addicted and dangerous as the rest of him. 

“I’d watch your tone, don’t wanna turn into old Tobio-Chan now, do we?” Iwaizumi stuck out his tongue, and finally, a true smile appeared on Oikawa’s face. “I can’t believe you’d just bully me like that, some king you are.” 

“ _Me? Bullying you?_ Sorry, Iwa-Chan... too much of a sadist for you? You always have been a little bland.” Oikawa muttered, fake frowning. The boys were quiet once again, and then they laughed. They laughed together as if it were old times, as if everything was okay again. As if they fixed it. “You’re probably going to have to leave soon, aren’t you?” 

“Can I ask a question?” A question that could either make or break his life. Why even bother asking? He just had to know. Oikawa looked out the window again and hummed, he sounded tired. Exhausted, even. “Why don’t you ever rate a ten?” Silence followed and Iwaizumi shifted in his seat, avoiding looking up. 

“Because when I do that, I won’t be allowed to see you until it goes down.” Oikawa smiled to himself gently. “I’d rather burn alive, than be alone. I may be a dick, but Iwa-Chan... I really do need you.” 

* * *

It was day time, not a single star in sight. It felt wrong to be showing up to the hospital this early, but what Oikawa said last night was circling his mind way too much. _‘I really do need you’_ , what did he mean by that? In which way, more importantly? For some reason, every time Iwaizumi thought about it, he was knocked sick. “Tōru Oikawa, room 307.” The nurse at the front desk pointed down the hall, Iwaizumi already knew that. However, there’s always a chance he could be moved to another ward overnight. It’s never a peaceful ride coming back here, the fear of him being dead or the fear of him being doped up on so many drugs that he ends up forgetting his own name. It’s not the state you want to see your best friend in, no one would want to see anyone in that state. Iwaizumi put his hands into his pockets and slowly walked up to Oikawa’s room, the halls were loud and different conversations can be heard from all points of the hospital. That was another thing he didn’t miss about the daytime, noise. It’ll always get so loud and tedious, especially when people are trying to have their own quiet conversation. A couple walk past Iwaizumi, they were latching onto each other’s arms with a smile on their face. He stopped and stared, watching them walk down the corridor and take a left. He never understood why, but looking at people like that made him jealous. He didn’t know what factor he was jealous of though, whether it was to be simply loved the way he is or to be able to have someone by your side that you can put your shoulder onto without second guessing it. Whenever he saw people like that, he felt empty, like a shell. There was nothing inside, no feeling either. He was just a shell. “Oh! Iwaizumi! I’m one of Oikawa’s nurses, can we talk a minute?” To talk a minute would mean sixty seconds of either bad news, or bad news. There was no progress to the clean side here, there was no getting better. Iwaizumi nodded, he didn’t smile back. He was scared. “After you left last night, I went in to check on him. Nightly rounds. He told me to sit down, so naturally I did.”

“What did or didn’t he do?” Iwaizumi asked, still avoiding eye contact. There was probably a multitude of things Oikawa did and said last night, it was him that we’re speaking of. That pretentious bastard with a sense of humour so dangerous, you don’t know if you’re the _joker or the joke_. When you’ve been friends with someone like that for so long, the world becomes fuzzy. You only see them. Not because they forced you to, but because everything about them is so captivating you just want to put them in your sight. 

“Oh! No, no! He did nothing wrong, he just... he finally rated it a ten. The thing is though, after he said that, the poor boy broke down in tears saying we’re only to let you in,” The nurse checked her watch. Iwaizumi froze. A ten? What made him change his mind? This was coming from the boy who would usually be too scared to admit the way he’s feeling. So, a ten? “I must be off, but please stay as long as he wishes you to. That’s my request to you.” Iwaizumi nodded and watched her walk off before taking in a deep breath. Tōru Oikawa, the type of man to break a ligament in his knee and still continue to walk on it because he didn’t want to admit it hurt. A man who’s pride and dignity overcame his physical well-being for most of his life, _finally opened up to someone and admitted it hurt_. Iwaizumi didn’t know if he should be proud or afraid, normally he’d deal with the pain like a king if you will but... according to the news he had broken down. Iwaizumi knocked on the door and walked inside, gently closing it behind him. Oikawa stared at him with numb eyes, it hurt to see, you could see the pain. 

“Iwa-Chan...” Oikawa’s bottom lip quivered, his eyes welled up with tears. Iwaizumi placed his bag down by the door and walked over to the bed. First came a sniffle, then came a sob. “Make it stop! Make it _stop_ , _please!_ It- it hurts... it hurts so bad! It’s like- like i’m drowning in fire, it burns and aches and-“ Iwaizumi opened his arms and let Oikawa fall into them. He was breaking down ever so slowly, and Iwaizumi only just noticed. He wasn’t sure if it was because he refused to admit what was going on, or maybe he was even fooled by Oikawa’s persona for a while. Yet, seeing him break down in nothing but tears with a body that won’t stop shaking, Iwaizumi finally realised that no matter how much of a mask you put on, there will always be a gap between reality and how you wish life to be. “Let me go... please, _let me die_. I- I don’t know how to- or even think about... Iwa...Chan... i-it hurts...” 

“I know, I know... you’re so strong for dealing with it up ‘till now though, okay dumbass?” Iwaizumi had tears in his own eyes, the feeling of dread and fear crept up so quickly yet he didn’t let it show as best as he could. It wasn’t the time or place for Oikawa to be the one comforting Iwaizumi, it is supposed to be the other way around. “You’re doing so well, idiot, you really are.” After five minutes the crying stopped and Oikawa lay there in Iwaizumi’s arms, taking in slow and shallow breaths. He looked different than before, his hair was less voluminous and the eye bags underneath his eyes had gotten darker. Iwaizumi figured it was because he hadn’t slept all that much or at all. “Are you tired?”  
Oikawa pulled back and pouted, his face was red and his eyes were puffy. Tōru Oikawa doesn’t cry, and when he does, it’s either about volleyball or this. Iwaizumi was shocked, the last time he saw Oikawa cry fully like that was when they lost a volleyball game before graduation, that one hurt for all. The whole team cried that day. Both teams did, except one was out of joy. It’s funny how emotions work like that, you can scream your heart out over something and it can be out of joy. Yet, sobbing is a sad thing to do. 

“ _I’ll have you know, Hajime Iwaizumi, I will always look stunning.”_ There it was, the Oikawa everyone knew. The one with such a big ego, you’d get caught up in his compliments yourself and agree with him. Iwaizumi blinked a couple of times before flipping off Oikawa, again. Things were mildly back to normal, there were no stray tears, just sniffles here and there. Oikawa was messing with a stuffed animal in his finger tips, lost in thought about whatever was going on in his mind. “Do you not agree?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“About me being stunning. I’m pretty, I’ve _always_ been pretty... I mean- look at me, I can pull off a dress and sweatpants all at once,” Oikawa chuckled. “If you didn’t agree, I might begin to think that you’re turning into my mother.” Iwaizumi’s face went dark, angry. A mother? To that spoiled brat? As if, he was doing fine as he was. Although, he secretly agreed with what was being said. Regardless, he shook his head and blushed some. “Dumbass.” 

“What’d I even do to deserve that then, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi pouted this time, Oikawa smiled. Almost normal. 

“ _Shittykawa_ , really? God... you became creative, and all you do is bully me!” Oikawa threw the teddy bear at Iwaizumi’s face. He didn’t move nor flinch, he just let it happen and cracked a smile. Why did he smile? Iwaizumi knew he needed that, there was something in him that really, _really_ needed something like that. “You shook your head no and your face turned into an ugly looking tomato, if you’re gonna lie to me, make it sound believable... jeez. Ugly masochist boy.” To lie. He wondered what it meant to lie. To tell a story that’s far from the truth, or to manipulate a story into sounding like the truth. The question of how to lie though, never ever received an answer. If he lied about something that caught him off guard, he’d blush. If he lied about something that made him angry, he’d get red ears. In most cases, he’d just simply turn into a tomato before even realising what had happened. “Do you remember that photo shoot we had?” 

Iwaizumi froze, his face flushed a darker shade of red. The photo shoot. A while ago, back in high school, Oikawa requested that everyone on the team wore a skirt and lingerie for a photo shoot. Of course, Oikawa was fine doing it, it was as if he worse lingerie and skirts daily. Granted, that wouldn’t surprise Iwaizumi at all. He gave off the impression that he even enjoyed it, in a secret type of way, so did Iwaizumi. “Why are you bringing that up, you pig?” Oikawa shrugged. 

“If I was granted one dying wish, do you think you could grant it?” Oikawa asked, Iwaizumi hesitated but nodded slowly. “What if I want to see you in red lace lingerie again? With a skirt?” 

“Then I’d say you probably had a thing for femboys.” Iwaizumi snickered, Oikawa smiled. 

“You never said no,” He sighed, dramatically. “You looked gorgeous in red lace... It suited you.” Iwaizumi stared at the boy smiling widely with a small blush on his face, he wanted to look away but every fibre in his body refused to move. Their eyes met, and just like that, something inside him clicked. The jealousy of other relationships, the pit in his stomach every time Oikawa looks at someone else. Call it what you want, but when you grow up with someone who taught you to be the person you are today, falling for them might be the biggest possibility that you rule out without even thinking twice. No one would think of falling for their best friend, it was the dumbest thing to do. Something goes wrong there and the whole friendship follows. “You look like you just realised something life changing, found a cure then, Iwa-Chan?” 

“N-No I... It’s nothing,” Iwaizumi cleared his throat, looking away. Oikawa threw a pillow this time, it collided with Iwaizumi’s face with a small thud. “What’s that for?” 

“I don’t know who you think I am, but I know when somethings off... what is wrong with you, moron?” Oikawa looked angry, but Iwaizumi knew that wasn’t the case. He just wanted to know what was wrong. “Did I overdo it with the lingerie compliment? ‘Cause... I’m not taking that back. I meant it, you looked awfully tasty.” 

“No! N-No... not that, it’s just...” Making up excuses was never Iwaizumi’s strong suit, he always stumbled over words and failed to make up a sentence. “I... I’ll miss you.” 

“ _...oh._ ” 

* * *

Iwaizumi left late that night, after Oikawa fell asleep. When he was sleeping, he seemed to be so peaceful. There didn’t seem to be any pain, or worries. Instead of going home, he sat in the hallway. His mind was far from being at ease, everything was wrong. Everything wasn’t getting better at all, no matter how many times he prayed for it to. Oikawa was still dying, and Iwaizumi was still watching it happen. There wasn’t anything that was going to change that fact anymore, there was no God that could reverse the time. There was no demon that could help him heal. There was none of that, this was real life. Iwaizumi stared at his hands, they were blurry. Why were they blurry? He was crying. “Stop it... s-stop crying this- this isn’t about you!” He tried to calm down but he ended up pulling his knees to his chest, crying silently. Have you ever seen the downfall of a king who once ran the world? The king who ran the court, the world and the town. The king who was falling. “Uh... Iwaizumi?” He wiped his eyes quickly and looked up, only to be faced with someone he least expected to see. “H-Hey...” 

“Tobio Kageyama, fancy seeing _you_ here.” Iwaizumi sniffed and wiped his eyes again. “If you want to see him, he’s sleeping.” Kageyama sat down on the floor opposite Iwaizumi and shook his head. 

“He actually told me to come and talk to you, dumbass didn’t say what about though,” Iwaizumi looked into the door window and sighed, does that mean Oikawa knew he cried? If he did, why would he bother bringing Kageyama here? “How... how is he?” 

“Dying.” 

“That was awfully blunt of you... we figured that much.” Kageyama sighed, looking down at his hands. “Did he tell you about us?” 

“Excuse me, _‘us’?_ ” Iwaizumi moved his gaze to Kageyama, who flushed red in response. 

“No! We never dated! He just... he taught me how to play and if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today.” Kageyama wiped his face with his hands before sighing. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say. Oikawa mentioned that they knew each other before high school, but who would’ve thought that the great king sculpted the king of Kitagawa first. It wasn’t exactly something you could just assume, at a short glance, the two hated each other. The glances they’d give each other spelt out hate easier than someone with a pen can, their eyes were always dark and their lips pressed into thin lines. Not a cell in their body looks like they could even respect each other, yet Tobio Kageyama was here. On Oikawa’s behalf. “The look on your face says you don’t know how to feel about that, am I right?” 

Iwaizumi shrugged. He gently placed his head against the wall behind him and exhaled slowly, “I’m not really sure what to think anymore. I don’t even know if I have the right to have an opinion about any of this, you and him as kids, or him now.” Kageyama nodded. “I just- I don’t know... none of this seems remotely fair, I mean- Think about it, right? Oikawa may be a pretentious little fairy princess, bastard sized, flatass type, annoying little shit but he’s a genuine good guy... he doesn’t deserve to be cooped up in a place like this because he got sick. What’s so fair about that?” The two men stayed silent after that, Kageyama didn’t know what to say, he only came because Oikawa practically begged him to. ‘ _He’s crying, come talk to him... I can’t move’_ , that text got sent over and over until Kageyama eventually agreed. He agreed with Iwaizumi though, Oikawa may be many things but a good person is among that lot. He was a good captain, he looked out for his team when they needed him the most and was definitely a good friend. For him to be sick like this, dying like this, it didn’t make sense. “He knows, doesn’t he?” 

“About what?” 

“Me crying in the hall, I wasn’t exactly quiet but I really thought he was asleep... I don’t want the show moving to me, because it just- it isn’t about me. It’s about him, the attention should be on him. He should be doing what he wants but he can’t... so giving him the attention he should be getting is the least we can do,” Iwaizumi mumbled. The image of Oikawa in his head crumbling underneath his fingertips simply because it hurt, brought tears to his eyes again. “I know you guys aren’t friends... if anything from a shitty glance it’d look like you’d rather watch each other die but-“ Iwaizumi looked at Kageyama with a face of pain or hurt. The setter was taken aback, not sure what to do or say. If comfort would even work right now. “I don’t want to watch my friend die. I- Friend...?” 

Then it clicked. Every game Karasuno and Seijou ever played, Kageyama noticed the way they looked at each other. The stolen glances, the tiny blush and smile that was creep in after they nearly got caught. Friends don’t look at each other like that, that was obvious. Iwaizumi would always cheer Oikawa on in secret, cussing him out to his face. Insults were thrown in left and right about how Oikawa was bad at this, or how his face resembled something else. Oikawa never took offence though, he always smiled and shoved them right back. A friendship would end over that, not get stronger. Yet, not once have they ever been apart. Even now, when it’s physically painful to look each other in the eye because at the end of the day, fate won’t change. Not anymore. They’re still together, watching each other slowly break apart. “You love him, don’t you?” Iwaizumi stared at the door separating him and Oikawa. 

“So what if I do? It’s not gonna change the way it’ll end.” Iwaizumi chuckled bitterly, he lost the ability to mask his thoughts when he found out Oikawa was dying. “Love is a selfish little thing, isn’t it Kags? Can I call you that? Whatever... look, to love someone is to basically claim them as yours like a puppy or an object, that’s selfish. He doesn’t need me gushing over him right now, he just needs... comfort and support, so that’s what I’m giving him. Coming out with an ‘I love you’ would be so selfish of me, he’d probably take it and spit it right back with a laugh. That’s just who he is.” Kageyama looked up at the door, sighing to himself. 

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, it’s more than needing comfort and support. You can’t win a fight without a little love on your side, it’s just- it’s just something you need,” Kageyama yawned before continuing on. “He didn’t call me here for his sake, or for mine. He called me here to comfort you, to make sure that your sorry ass was okay. Don’t you see it? If you don’t tell him how you feel now, you might not ever get the chance again. Living with that regret... that’ll eat you up before you can even process what the fucks happening and I know you know that. Sure, we aren’t friends, maybe we won’t ever be friends but that’s what makes this so easy. I can look into your eyes and tell you straight without feeling an ounce of guilt, so get your pathetic ass up out of that chair, walk into that room and let him have it.” Iwaizumi shook his head. “I’m not wasting my breath on you for nothing, idiot.” 

“Your ways of comforting people are flawed, Tobio Kageyama, but I’ll give you props for trying.” Iwaizumi laughed quietly, but his smile faded as he looked at the door. The pit of darkness grew in his stomach and the realisation hit. “I’m in love with Tōru Oikawa.” 

“I know.” 

“And he’s going to die on me...” 

Kageyama was silent for a moment, “ _...I know.”_

* * *

Iwaizumi opened his eyes to the bright white walls of the hospital corridor, he never went home. Kageyama must’ve left a while ago, the space on the floor looked almost untouched. Memories of last nights conversation flooded into his brain and he cringed internally, letting out all of that to someone he’d barely ever spoken to before was embarrassing. What was worse, was the fact that Oikawa called him here because Iwaizumi was crying. He stood up and stretched, ignoring a slight pain in the left side of his neck from sleeping funny. Oikawa was sound asleep, facing the window as per usual. Iwaizumi walked inside and sat on the chair, staring at the floor. “You called Kitagawa’s king here for me, look how nice you can be. Ha... I say nice, I over shared like an asshole. The guy probably hates me now, funny how things work that way.” Iwaizumi exhaled slowly. “Look... I know that things aren’t looking up right now, and that they haven’t been looking up for a while but- but I just- I wanted to talk to you. Like _to_ you, like this. Where you can’t intervene with your shitty retorts because no offence, fairy boy, I make them work _a lot_ more than you do. When we met as kids, I always looked up to you. I looked up to the way you played, the way life seemed so easy for you to get by... and then as simple as that we became friends. Sure, we were friends but Oiks... you were my idol. Everything you ever did made my stomach turn in the best way, I wished to be like you, to be able to be as good as you as everything you even bothered to try. Granted, it pissed me off that you were so damn perfect... but, you were the one person in my life who stuck around to watch me grow. High school came around and I caught myself looking at you when you weren’t looking at me, admiring everything about you... the way you smile, the way you’d serve that shitty ball, the way you’d look down on whoever we were against, I admired all of that and I just thought it was because I looked up to you. I was wrong. ‘Cause then other people caught your eyes, other people that weren’t me. It hurt, it hurt a lot more than I could even begin to explain and that probably sounds so selfish considering... you’re in pain every single day and you push through it without a care in the world. I wanted to be the person you looked at, the person you admired and cared about. _Me_. _Hajime Iwaizumi!_ ” A tear rolled down his cheek, he let it fall. The cold tear against his warm cheeks was almost relaxing. “But you didn’t. I look at people now, people close... people that hold each other close and kiss them on the nose, telling them how much they love them and it makes me sick. I wish... I wish that were us, you know? The way you are in my mind, you’re perfect. You’re the king. I look up to you and would get on my knees for you any second of any day... and I never understood what that meant. Not until yesterday, when Kageyama looked me in the eyes and asked if I loved you. I didn’t know what to do, or say, or even feel for fuck sake but it all came together. I don’t want you to be my friend, you big fucking asshole. I want you to be my boyfriend, to the person I can be close with. You taught me to... to be this way, to live and- and... everything you’ve ever said to me stuck to my head in the best way possible. I... _I think I love you, Oikawa..._ ” 

The hospital room was silent, the cars that drove by were quieter than normal too. Iwaizumi let tears fall silently, he didn’t know what else to do. All he could do was cry about it, falling in love with his best friend. No one could ever really plan for that to happen. “Iwa-Chan...” Iwaizumi froze, there was no way he was awake. There was no way he heard all of that, the idea of that was impossible. “I think I love you too.” He was awake. Tōru Oikawa heard the whole entire thing, not moving an inch. It was better that way, Iwaizumi was never the type of person to express his emotions in such an open manner, so staying silent and pretending to be asleep was the best bet he had to hearing him. To hearing how he felt. No one said anything after that, it was silent again. Iwaizumi was too afraid to speak up, scared that if he did, he’d say something embarrassing again. To fall in love with someone, was and will always be selfish. To leave a mark on someone that much that they never want to leave your side, or that they’ll take everything that’s ever hurt you away from you, was selfish too. Humans are selfish creatures, leaving their imprint of every living thing all at once. How was that fair? It just, wasn’t. To end up forming such an emotional connection to something, then have them die on you. Nothing about that was fair at all. “Say something.” Oikawa’s voice was frail, it was as if he hadn’t slept in a few days with barely anything to drink. It sounded painful to talk. 

“Something.” Iwaizumi muttered. He followed Kageyama’s advice and explained how he felt, but the task in general failed. He didn’t want to be heard, he wanted to feel at peace with the way he was feeling. He wanted to finally accept that the way he was feeling, was normal. Instead, he was listened to by the person he was confessing to. “I’m sorry... for waking you up.” Oikawa sighed. 

“I’ve been awake since last night, Kageyama came in and we had a conversation while you slept. He left around an hour ago... I think,” Oikawa hummed slightly and Iwaizumi nodded. “The poor bastard must have- have a way with words if he can get someone like _you_ to talk to _me_ like that... it was nice to hear. I’ve been waiting for hear it for a long time, Iwa-Chan...” 

“J-just because you’re sick doesn’t mean I won’t wrap that IV cord around your neck,” Iwaizumi stumbled over his words. “I’m sorry the timing was all... very, very wrong.” Oikawa stayed silent, there wasn’t much he could say about that. There wasn’t room for a joke or a petty retort, just silence. “Don’t you dare die on me, you hear me? Don’t you even fucking _think_ about it!” Iwaizumi yelled out, his voice was hoarse due to the fact that he hadn’t been awake long. “I don’t give a fuck how you want to respond to that but you’re going to be okay, alright? You don’t get the opportunity to die on me. You don’t _ever_ get that fucking chance, you hear me?!” 

“Ah Iwa-Chan... you finally learnt how to lie. How nice.”

_If you’re going to lie, at least make it sound convincing._

* * *

The days after that were slow and painful, Oikawa could barely push out a sentence. Iwaizumi was surprisingly doing all the talking now, there were no stupid remarks or petty comments, just two people have nice conversations. It wasn’t until that night when things went wrong, Oikawa couldn’t breathe. He shot up in bed screaming in agony and gasping for breath. Iwaizumi screamed for a nurse and he was ushered out of the room, begging for them to keep him alive, to make sure that he made it through the night. The screaming never stopped, every time it’d fall silent again, Oikawa would let out a blood curdling scream. He’d beg for them to make it stop, for them to kill him right then and here and how that’d be an easier scenario than just going on his own. You’ve never seem the downfall of a king who once stood proudly on top of the world, because it’s more than a downfall. You stand there and watch the colour drain from his face, the life drain out of his eyes, the patience leave his body. All of that was replaced with exhaustion and pain. Iwaizumi couldn’t do anything but watch him curl up in pain, as the pillow underneath his bed got soaked with tears and snot. Eventually he fell asleep, and Iwaizumi climbed into bed with him ever so gently. He layed his head down on Oikawa’s and closed his eyes, he felt like home.  
Back around two years ago, when they were both in high school playing matches back to back, winning sets back to back, everything was okay. They were both happy, they both had a team that they could go to whenever they needed support. Fans and supporters that would always show up at games, they had everything. Then as quickly as the gained that, they lost it. Oikawa fell sick, but pretended it was fine. It was just him skipping meals, or pushing himself too hard during training, then as quick as those excuses came out, the diagnoses followed after. He got the call during a game, he was subbed off for the remainder of it. No one knew why until after the game had finished. _“Yo, bro what was that? Why’d you leave?”_ Questions like that were being thrown around left, right and centre. They had assumed that the coach knew, judging by the way he wrapped his arms around Oikawa’s shoulders. _“Are you okay?”_ Iwaizumi was the first to ask that question, Oikawa smiled but the tears in his eyes said otherwise. 

_“I’m... quitting the team,”_ Everyone went silent after he said that. They wanted to ask why, to shove more questions down his throat but as the tears rolled down his face, they all stared in awe. _“I- I’m not well... cancer...”_ Not one word was uttered, not one question or comforting phrase, everyone was too busy trying to process what had happened. What they had just been told. The fall of their king? _Their_ king, sick? It was an impossible idea, it was wrong. Everyone told themselves that he’d be okay, but soon afterwards he collapsed out of exhaustion. Then the realisation hit. Their leader, their idol, their best friend, _Tōru Oikawa was going to die_ , and that there was nothing they could do about it. Iwaizumi was the one that never left his side, never acted as if anything had changed. It wouldn’t be fair to do that, so why should he bother? They were friends after all. Iwaizumi sighed.  
Oikawa snuggled in closer and Iwaizumi smiled to himself silently. It was rather comfortable like this, he’d wish it never end. A few hours later Iwaizumi woke up to a silent room, there was no cars running, no shallow breathing, and most of all, no heart monitor. It was all gone. Oikawa felt heavier than he did a couple hours ago, there was nothing alive about him anymore. Iwaizumi opened his eyes and looked down at the boy who was no longer sleeping, no longer here. “ _No._ ” He muttered. “No... you’re- _you’re lying_ , he’s- wake up.” Iwaizumi shook Oikawa gently, he didn’t move. “ _Get your fucking ass up_...” Oikawa didn’t move. Death looked peaceful, welcoming and warm. There was nothing scary about it. Oikawa didn’t look like he was in pain anymore, he looked comfortable. 

His skin was cold, Iwaizumi climbed out of the bed and stared at him. The way he lay, he looked unnatural, fake. “You- You weren’t supposed to have the opportunity to die on me... _you weren’t supposed to be the one that gets up and walks away!_ I told you that you’d be _fine!_ ” Iwaizumi went from angry and upset in mere seconds, his eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivered. “Get up... get _up_...” He didn’t call for a nurse, deep down he knew that if he did, he’d never get to see him again. “It wasn’t supposed to end this way... Oikawa... you- you- I-“ Iwaizumi choked back on his sobs. “ _I love you damn it!_ Get up... Captain... get up.” 

Tōru Oikawa never woke up. 

* * *

Iwaizumi went home hours later, he told the nurses and they treated him to a warm drink. He thanked them before leaving, never once turning around. The world was silent, the only happiness he had began to felt, disappeared within the space of a few hours. Iwaizumi called Kageyama, “It’s you.” There wasn’t a ‘hello’ or a ‘hi’, there wasn’t a ‘how’re you feeling’ either. Just that. 

“I- i’m sorry to bother but... can I come over?” With that question, Kageyama already knew what had happened. They didn’t need to say anything else, Kageyama sent over his address and then hung up the phone. Iwaizumi made his way over, tears could no longer fall. He was numb, alone. There was no one who he could go to anymore, no one who would smile at his rude comments. No one. When Iwaizumi arrived, Kageyama pulled him into a hug. 

“I’m really sorry.” Nothing else was said for a moment or two, both males didn’t know what else to say. The image of the king, dead, never left his head. “How did... how did you know?” The two sat down opposite each other at the dining table. Iwaizumi covered his face before talking. 

“It’s not like in the movies... it isn’t beautiful or graceful, or however the hell they want to to put it. I woke up with the weight of his body on me, it was different. It felt wrong. I looked at him, he didn’t move, he wasn’t breathing and there wasn’t a heartbeat. He was...” Iwaizumi exhaled shakily, not knowing how to sugar coat it. “I told him about how I felt and he was awake... I didn’t want that but it happened that way, we fell asleep and I just- I told him that he’d be okay and he just... it’s my fault, isn’t it?” Iwaizumi bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Not at all, you did what you could, you loved him, supported him, watched out for him and kept him safe... I can sure as hell bet that he felt the safest he’d ever felt with you then than he ever did.” Kageyama sighed, pulling out a piece of paper. “The dumbass gave me this when you were passed out in the hallway, read it.” 

Iwaizumi unfolded the piece of paper. 

_Iwa-Chan, if Kags has given this to you then I suppose it happened. None of us wanted it to be this way, but you know the way I am, shit happens for a reason..._

_If I never got to say it in person, I loved you. I loved every little thing about you and I really never wanted to leave your side. Seeing you look so lonely, I couldn’t do that. Ha, I might just go and watch over that bastard Ushijima... that might hurt a lot less. I know I’m not there and I can no longer call it a dying wish but here’s my wish okay? You have to pinky promise that you’ll do it for me, okay? I can see you, Iwaizumi. Nod your head right now._

_Good! that didn’t take that much effort now, did it you lazy idiot? Anyways... my wish. It’s nothing complicated, nothing lingerie related, not at all..._

_Just promise me you’ll look up at the stars and smile, I don’t think I could go without your smile for as long as this._

_I love you, you big dummy... and remember this, whenever you weren’t looking, I definitely was <3 _

The note ended and Iwaizumi stared at the last sentence, the reality was more than sad. It was heartbreaking. However, at the end of the day, a king must fall some time. It was Tōru Oikawa’s time. _“I love you too, Shittykawa.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Please to don’t be a silent reader, i’d love to know your thoughts.


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